Ham and Parking

by Curry
July 25th, 2006
The driveway of the Johnson Street house was kind of bogus.  It was good in  that you could park up to four cars in there, but very weak in that you could only  get the last one parked out of there.  That meant that every time anyone wanted  to drive anywhere, everyone had to go out and do this terrible parking circus.

Josh took a weeklong vacation and left his car parked in the number one spot.  I  found his car sitting there one morning when I was already running twenty  minutes late for work.  To get at my car, I had to drive his to the street, park it,  get my car, park it in the street, put his car back in the driveway, go to my car,  and go on my way.

There was no time for this.  I found his keys, and just drove his car to work.

I got a parking ticket for an unpaid meter.

"Well, shit." I thought.  I'd better pay this, and never tell Josh.  I came home  that night, and parked his car back in the only accessible spot.

Obviously, the next day I once again needed my car, and was once again  already late.  I had little choice but to take his car.  By the end of the week, I  had managed to get three parking tickets.  Also, I had made a few trips to buy  gas-station snacks, so there were some soda bottles rattling around on the  floor.

One other thing; one of my gas station trips binges included one of those terrible  deli sandwiches that they sell all wrapped in plastic.  I'd eaten a couple of  bites, then abandoned it on Josh's car seat.  It sat there for a few days.

It was a Friday afternoon, and Jeff and I were walking over to my house.  "Holy  shit," I said, "I really need to get that stuff out of Josh's car.  That dude gets  back tomorrow."

Well, I was wrong.  He had actually gotten back a few minutes before that.   When we came up on the house, he was digging around in all the refuse and  debt I had left for him.  He came boiling out of the car.

"You son of a bitch!  You UTTER FUCK!"  The then heaved my discarded ham  sandwich at me as hard as he possibly could.  Fortunately, he has terrible aim,  and missed me entirely.  Even more fortunately, the wet, warm ham sailed over  my shoulder and slapped the innocent Jeff right in the face.

"AAAGGGHHH!!"  Jeff collapsed, too grossed out to keep walking.  I used the  time this distraction bought me to run into the house, yelling insincere apologies  at Josh.  I ended up paying for the parking tickets, but I feel it was well worth  the money to see Josh so outraged and watch Jeff get assaulted by pork.