Drinking Life

by Curry
November 26th, 2006


Sure, everybody enjoys drinking themselves stupid. After a while, though, you need to make a game of it. That way you can pretend you're doing it to have fun, instead of to drown out your shitty, shitty life.

What better way to have fun then to throw in The Game of Life for the Playstation, a game that ign.com refered to as "easy to play. That's the only good thing I can really say about it." You can't beat that!

The rules of the drinking game are fairly complex, so do your best to start sober.

The first thing you do in Life on the PSX is choose your character, your name, and your car. A good thing to do when picking a character is to pick someone of the opposite sex to represent you. That way, when you later get married, you can make those same-sex marriage jokes which are only funny to a drunk person.

I married a man!  Must be in Hawaii!  Hyuk!

As for your character name, it should generally involve the words "butt", "ass" or "tit," or any derivation or combination of any of those. This isn't actually a rule of Drinking Life, just a general guideline.

The color of your car doesn't matter, but if you don't choose white, you are eliminated from making "white power" jokes.

Next, you have the spin-off to see who goes first. Then you choose whether to get a career, or go to school first. It is wise to go to school, as this usually translates into more money for you. And more money for you means more drinking for your opponents. After this, you get to the actual playing. This is where the drinking begins.

"A drink" refers usually to a drink of beer. If you'd rather use liquor, then you're a fool who will spend the night first vomitting, then dying. Here are the times when you have to drink.

Now, the gayness of whatever you've landed on is usually pretty obvious, but if there is any ambiguity, put it to a vote.

You also get to give out drinks. For every $20,000 you earn, you can give out a drink. This includes PayDays, money through LIFE games, or any other time you get cash.

Finally, once the game is over, all of the losers have to take shots.

That's it, really. Go out there and get loaded!