Brendan Huedepohl Steals Wheelchairs for Fun

by Curry
July 10th, 2007

I've been hearing a lot of undue praise for my arch-nemesis Brendan Huedepohl recently.  "Brendan Huedepohl is entirely likable."  "Brendan Huedepohl is a friendly person."  "Brendan Huedepohl never once strangled a hobo."

I can't take any more.  Brendan Huedepohl is not the glowing figure he is made out to be.  Brendan Huedepohl is a villian.  Brendan Huedepohl is the worst person I've ever met.

Brendan Huedepohl steals hubcaps.  He chews tobacco.  He pretends to only speak Spanish when goes through a drive-through.

Brendan Huedepohl spent one whole summer driving around in an ice cream truck.  He would tell the kids that he was completely sold out of ice cream, all the while stuffing his face with butter-brickle.

Brendan Heudepohl wrote bad checks to the Red Cross.  He only communicates in "l33t speak."  He bought his most recent car used from Al Qaeda.
In 2004, Brendan Huedepohl planted massive warheads deep in the ocean. When detonated, these caused enormous underwater earthquakes, triggering the tsunami that killed thousands.  He did this all because he hates Thai food.

Brendan Huedepohl once dipped a dog in paint and put it in the oven.  He digs up Indian burial mounds, then reshapes them into enormous earthen phalluses.

A sloppy eater, Brendan Huedepohl grew a mustache just so he could get food caught in it to gross people out.

Brendan Huedepohl once glued pennies to his girlfriend while she slept.  When she woke up, he told her he did it so that she could finally be "worth something to someone."

Brendan Huedepohl hired illegal immigrants to do his yardwork, then called the INS. Brendan Huedepohl lets his car idle in his garage all night, just to waste gas.

Brendan Heudepohl refuses to pay his own taxes, but steals refund checks from his neighbors.

Every Halloween, Brendan Huedepohl dresses up as a Klansman.  At night he breaks into his best friend's house and pees in his toilet tank.

Brendan Huedepohl never makes anyone happy.  He knows only evil.  He should be destroyed.

Brendan Huedepohl is hate.