Community Collge

by Curry
October 24th, 2003

All of you may or may not know that I am currently attending the local community college. I am in my 17th year of trying to finish my degree, and I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel for credits.

Maybe you think that community college isn't actually all that bad. I used to be like you. I thought that sure, it's not as expensive or well respected as a four-year institution, but it's still college; it can't be that easy or pointless to attend. Incorrect. It is the worst.

It's not so much the courses or the educators that are bad. In most of the classes I'm taking, the actual coursework is comparable to that of a university, and the instructors seem to know their stuff for the most part. No, the thing that keeps me up at night is the student body. I lie awake all night dreading the things they might say or do while I am sitting there in class.

It might not be all of them. Some community college students may be earnestly trying to learn; they could be considerate and attentive students. I haven't noticed any, as they have been drowned out by the most godawful jerkasses to ever walk the earth.

We had a test in one of my classes, and I didn't go to class the day after. The next week, I told the professor I had missed and asked for test back. She gave it to me and told me I did so well, I could consider my B an A. I said, "Uh, thanks," and then she thanked me for being such a good student.

She thanked me for being a good student, when the only reason I was talking to her was because I had skipped class. That is the level of student she is used to dealing with.

Allow me to profile a few of the worst students:

Obnoxious Bosnian Chick

Although Obnoxious Bosnian Chick is very hot, this does not make up the fact that she is a heinous cow. She is constantly yelling at everyone.

She got amazingly offended when someone said it was unsafe for people to not all know one common language in the workplace.

"How can it be unsafe?"

I pointed out that if not everyone speaks English on a construction site, for example, people could easily get killed.

"Pff. English is that hard to learn. Why don't you try to learn BOSNIAN? THEN come talk to me about it."

No one really knew what to make of this, so it was just dropped.

She also spends an inordinate amount of class time arguing with our next subject, Super Loud Black Chick

Super Loud Black Chick

Super Loud Black Chick is just too god damned loud. She sits in the front row and screams the most retarded things possible at the teacher.

"We got a quiz this Friday?" She yelled three weeks into the course. "That ain't right. It ain't fair that we got a quiz already. I ain't got my book yet."

The instructor explained that on the first day she had gone on and on about how if you don't have the book by the end of week one, you should drop the course. Besides, she went on, the book is available downstairs in the bookstore.

"That shit is too expensive. I'm waiting for discount book store to get it in. They ain't gonna have it for weeks. It ain't fair to have a quiz when not everyone has the book yet."

She honestly thought we should postpone the quiz until she got the book. Then a week later, she used up a full fifteen minutes of class time trying to convince the teacher that it would be okay to use a different edition of the book. We were using the sixth, she wanted to use the fifth.

"But it's the same book."

"No it isn't," said the instructor. "It's the fifth edition. It has different information, and the chapters are in a different order."

"I think I should get to use it."

The teacher gave up. "I don't care. Use it. You'll have the wrong information, and it will make you fail. What do I care?"

As irritating as SLBC is, she is no match for the most irritating person there, Beardo.

Beardo

I don't understand how Beardo can still be in my class. As often as I skip, he skips at least 4 times more than me. And whereas I do all of the homework and get A's on the tests, he does none and gets F's.

He sleeps through all but the last 5 minutes of class. When he wakes up, he asks questions that were already asked while he was asleep.

One day we were discussing the lifelong damages that can be done to you for filing for bankruptcy. Then he announced that he thinks he'll file for bankruptcy. The instructor asks if he has thousands of dollars of debt and is worried about losing his home. "No," he replies. "I got like three hundred bucks on my credit card. That's it."

He ends every idiotic point he makes with, "So to speak."

He spends almost all of the time he is in class and not interrupting sitting half turned around in his seat, blatantly staring at the girl behind him. Fed up one day, she screamed, "STOP LOOKING AT ME! TURN AROUND AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" He did so. After about ten minutes, he got up and left, and didn't come back for two weeks.

He came to class wearing a cast on his foot one day, but only one day.

He argues with the instructor, but is always wrong. After the arguments end, he always turns to his neighbor and explains how he was right.

I fucking hate Beardo. Throughout my class notes are comments about how much I hate him.

 

It is very hard to describe how awful these people are without you guys having to experience it for yourselves. I invite you all to come out to Pittsburgh and come to class with me.

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